What's up? I love you, you know that right? I mean, if you can't tell how much I love you from those big hugs I give you.. than you're really oblivious. But, there are some things that we need to talk about. Are you sitting down, Momma? This may take awhile.
I don't appreciate that after you put me to bed, you leave. I'm not sure what you're doing, and honestly I don't care. You tell me you're studying for your college classes, or that you want to spend some "adult" time with Daddy.. whatever that is. The fact is that if I wake up and you're not there, the room is dark, and scary, and the world is coming to an end. Okay, well maybe not the end of the world but, it might as well be since there is no you to snuggle with, and no boob to drink from.
Oh, and why we're on the subject of sleep... Did you know you take up a lot of room on my bed? I heard you once talking to Daddy about buying a bigger bed, I think that would be wise. If we're going to continue to share my queen size bed, the more I grow, the less room you'll have. If you could manage to keep you're feet on your quarter, then I'll promise to keep them off of your neck. You didn't know I put them there on purpose? Yes, those few nights when I've punted you in the throat it is because you were keeping me awake. I was not impressed Momma. Not. Impressed. Oh, and if you ever decided to sleep topless, I'm okay with that. Then I wouldn't have to wake you up to get what I wanted. I know you said it's "weird" and what not, but I think you should get over it. It's all about my needs anyways, right? RIGHT?!? Right!
Lets now move on to talk about your newly acquired sewing habits. If you're going to bring home a new toy, you should realize I will want to play with it. So, if I'm not allowed to play with it, don't bother buying it. It won't be worth it, I promise. I'm not impressed that I can't play with the sewing machine. You claim it's because I'll hurt myself, and sew my fingers together. What you don't know, Momma, is that is what I am trying to do! I want to sew webbing between my fingers to enhance bath time (which we both know is my favorite thing, ever!). So, if you could back off lady and just let me sew my chubby digits together, that would be great. Mermaids Rule!
There are some more things I'd like us to work on, but I think focusing on these three first is a good starting place. Oh, and if you could tell Daddy to stop snoring in my face at night, that'd be awesome. Thanks Momma!